Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
