she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
