My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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