everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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