So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
