I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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