so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
