People with herpes should wear stickers.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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