thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
