I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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