I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
