I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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