Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
