I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
