Where did you get a picture of my penis
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
