Will you blow on my dice?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
