3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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