just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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