i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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