you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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