Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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