Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
