just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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