wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
