i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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