THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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