Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
