You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
