Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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