I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
