found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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