just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
