I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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