Kiss
Puke
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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