Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
