My girlfriend figured out who you are.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
