whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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