is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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