just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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