haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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