is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
