Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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