a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
