if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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