im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
