I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
