the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
