After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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