its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
