Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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