Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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