I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
