i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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