Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
