You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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