her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
