i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
