I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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