Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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