O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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