: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
