I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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