He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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