Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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