Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
