I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
