literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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