Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
