gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
