what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
