there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
