ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
