btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
God I need to hump something, right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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